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When anxiety kicks in
Posted Monday 11 March 2013
Anxiety is not something I've had to deal with all my life. I often look back through the times when going out to meet people wasn't such a big deal. Times when I'd go to my friends house for the first time and not have to worry about making a fool out of myself when knocking on the door and asking if they were home. Times when I could be excited for a big event without even considering the "what if's". I look back, and I think to myself... "How ever did I manage to go from a confident and careless person to someone who often can't manage to get on a train alone anymore, or go jogging alone, or attend a medical appointment alone?".
Anxiety is something that is often misunderstood and passed off as a normal part of life, and usually it is - everybody experiences some form of anxiety, it's a common reaction towards the unknown. However, a lot of people do experience anxiety to the point where it becomes an everyday struggle.
In school I was one of many students who didn't really fit in to any group. I was bullied on several occasions, though not constantly. I minded my own business for most of the time and hoped that nobody would notice me, although I clearly remember times where my chair would be pushed into my table by the giggling girls sitting behind me which resulted in bruised ribs. I remember countless death threats from a girl and her friends in the year below me and I remember being mocked for the kind of music that people assumed I liked, which then led into nasty comments about my clothes and the way I dress and more.
While my whole school experience continued to drag me down, it was only when I left school that my anxiety really started to kick in. It was as if all the nasty comments, dirty looks and the pressure of school life had merged into some kind of collective force that gradually crept up on me, making me frightened to leave my house alone in case people looked at me with judging eyes, afraid of doing something foolish in public and people start to laugh. Sometimes it goes beyond the situation of people's reactions and I often get very anxious before a big event that I am generally excited for. I'll lie in bed the night before shaking, feeling nauseous, crying and what for? Who knows, but it happens, and this is anxiety.
Anxiety can also affect the relationships one might have. I'm often asked out by very kind people who want to get to know me better, and unfortunately, most times I turn down the offer just because I'm worried about acting awkward or foolish around them. This often leads into a misunderstanding that I'm purposely trying to avoid them and the simple answer is that I am just anxious. It makes me feel guilty, and it's beyond my control. This is still an ongoing battle for me, and it's one I am certain to win.
As I have said, it's so incredibly hard to explain to somebody who isn't familiar with these feelings without them misunderstanding and thinking you are just going through a little nervousness (or god forbid, attention seeking!), it's something that can go beyond a small fear and progress into something that can restrict you from so many things that life offers: Jobs, school, public transport, medical appointments, social events. I hope that at least somebody is able to relate to this - it is nothing to be ashamed of and I hope anybody dealing with anxiety finds some sort of solution in time, just like I know I will.
Amy
You can follow Amy on Twitter @amyleeadam or read her blog.
We all experience anxiety from time to time, but when anxiety gets severe or out of control it can become tough to cope with day to day life. Take a look at our anxiety information, or listen to our podcast.
30 Comments
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Thank you so very much for posting this.Yes,i have anxiety and depression.It affects me in very similar ways.Some days,the simplest things are almost impossible to me
It might appear perverse,but it is good to know that you have similar things that happen to you.It could appear odd to say that,so sorry if that has caused offence. -
I'm dealing with the same problem. But my anxity started when i just were a kid, in kindergarden. By the years i've learned to handle some situations, it has gotten better as i'm gettin older :) But i still having lots of problems with it.. But give it time (years), be patincent :) Some things will get easier :) Little steps, step by step and repeat it :) And DONT give up! ❤❤❤❤
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Hey Adrian,
Thank you for reading my blog, it means a lot!Amy
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Diana,
Thank you for the encouragement, and well done for getting better through the years!
Amy
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This is really interesting. I have never been so anxious to go somewhere/ do something untill recently. I am scared to talk to someone about it incase they laugh at me, so I put a front on. I 'act' as if im okay, when really inside i could just curl up & die.
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Amy thank you so much for writing this - the anxiety can be all consuming - i worried for days about going to the theatre because i didn't know how i would manage socially etc etc (i have the added extra of arthritis so i have to consider physical restrictions too) - I actually felt physically sick the night before we were going. However - i did it (because i am trying not to let the feelings prevent me from doing stuff - doesn't always work) - i sat between one of my best friends and my husband and the show was brilliant. i took my time leaving the theatre to avoid the crush and have felt relaxed since the trip. I wish I could always feel like that - manage to do the things that bring pleasure, feel i can blend in socially, not feel like an awkward fool etc etc. Reading your post has helped me realise I am not alone in how i feel, your description of school life is similar to my own etc. thanks again Amy and take care xxx
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Thanks for the blog Amy. Sometimes it's like reading about myself. Take care
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Great post Amy. Sums up anxiety well. People just don't understand how much it effects every area of your life. Relationships are such a no go for me.
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I can relate to all the comments that I have read in your blog Amy, My own anxiety started just over a year ago at work when after a year of constant bullying & witnessing bullying of other work friends I finally snapped & walked out of work, the final straw was when my shift manager decided to pick on my sexuality after he was told I was Bi sexual by an agency worker who knew of me.
After walking out I got very upset & I took an overdose of painkillers which made me very ill indeed, After treatment & ongoing support for depression & anxiety I still feel like I am locked in my home, anxiety presents many fears & mine prevents me doing many normal daily things like going to the local tesco store, I have to build my self up confidence wise to do this even now, if I do go out its always a challenge & I find myself racing to get back home again just to feel safe, as for my work well they have not helped me one bit as the boss does not understand or appreciate my illness.
I just feel that there is no quick fix for anxiety & life will never be normal again. -
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Although I had suffered mild anxiety as a child it got worse during my late forties. I had a time when I became anxious about practically everything and hated going outside my home. I constantly worried that my house or car would need repair which I could not afford. It got so bad that I started to imagine that I was being watched and was suspicious of everyone who passed outside my house.
I am a big bloke so don't come across as someone who would suffer from this type of problem. This just made it difficult to express my feelings to others. My doctor was fairly good, he did prescribe anti-depressants but they just made me feel tired and did not help the problem he never suggested any other form of treatment. Time and support from my wife was what got me through. Although I am a lot better now, anxiety is like a hole that, although I am aware of, one false step and I'll fall in. -
I always used to use my i-pod when I went out in public. I found that the distraction of comforting favourite music was a great help. You do have to be careful that you don't start singing in the aisles while you are shopping. I nearly started singing Queens "Fat Bottemed Girls" in my local supermarket. That did make me smile. Better than feeling stressed.
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I also am affected by anxiety, in my day to day life i have built a life that does not test me. Occassionally things happen that in the "normal" world would not be an issue but in my world affects me greatly, my sleep, my mood, my eating everything! I am talking about things such as visiting family that i love and working myself up filling myself with self doubt and the dreaded "what if" going round and round my head. I look back to my old life busy single mom who worked full time as hotel reception manager to my careful simple life now and cant believe it's the same me. I know one day i will get at least part way back but it's a long slow road to travel.
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Dear Amy,
From my life experience and later as a mental health worker with Mind I would say anxiety & depression are strongly related to bullying and a sense of helplessness. During my youth repression seemed the best form of defense, however I managed to repress the memories but not the physiological reactions. So, in situations where I would have to meet new people & go to strange places I would suffer panic attacks and would often avoid them. The panic attacks were quite conspicuous and exhausting. The anxiety attacks, tho less obvious were also tiring and both could take me by surprise. It all felt very irrational as I was/am a very capable person. What helped initially was having a good friend who encouraged me to attend college, I was in my thirties at this time. It was the turning point, filled with fear & dread, feeling like a mouse in the lion's den and always taking the seat nearest the door I physically & emotionally forced myself to be there. I took an access course in Humanities, one module was psychology and I was amazed by how much information and research there was about the human condition for me to discover. That was the hook, the second helping that I needed to keep me focussed. I went on to Uni from there, still experiencing attacks of anxiety & some of the people along the way would reinforce the anxiety but others unwittingly helped me overcome the terror sensations that arose. I could choose to surround myself with the students and lecturers I felt most comfortable with. A decade has passed since and these are the things that helped: learning about myself & others as human beings; being with people that were sensitive and motivational rather than aggressive and competitive; relaxation & reiki techniques; physical exercise and reinforcing my positive aspects, interests & hobbies.
It's a paradox, the horrible experiences of my childhood, that were successful in holding me back gave me the drive and motivation to overcome the physiological pain of anxiety so that I could help others.
Well done & thank you for posting about your experiences,
Cecilia -
I also struggle with anxiety, a few tweaks on medication and I have been much better for nearly a year. At its height my anxiety manifested into panic attacks and I couldn't go out alone, and I relied so much on my mom, that she came to live with me, and I couldn't be without her in the house, 24/7...
As you say all things change with time, and I feel I am coming out the other side...(touch wood and hopefully) don't want to tempt fate.
What I tell myself now is that 1 in 3 are suffering with something, so if we all open up and share our experiences, more people, those 1 in 3 will benefit and know that they are not alone xxx well done for opening up in your blog, I associate with the bully scenario...but we got through it xxx good luck -
I have always been anxious (40 mumble years). Some years worse than others. Never the debilitating panic that some have... but close. I like to think that because I have always been scared of everything that I am now braver than most. Jumping out of a plane, for example, was not such a big deal because I am used to managing fear.
I also learned that fear feels a lot like excitement so with the right self talk i can convert anxiety into exhileration.
My new trick that seems to work is, not just recognising when the irrational anxiety is hitting (i have been able to 'detach' for a while), but also welcome it! I literally say to myself 'here comes my old friend anxiety' and then i say TO my anxiety 'welcome, nice to see you again, i am gong to pop you over here' (like a guest at a party!) I guess this approach helps me detach even further. It certainly seems to work for mild doses! :-).
Finally I think we need to be kind to ourselves. I used to feel like a failure or weirdo if I was anxious. Now I am prepared to say, actually I don't LIKE certain things/situations and will proudly avoid them. It helped when i met a super cool role model who wasn't shy about stating his preferences. Now I feel a responsibility to be open so others can feel like they are in good company. "I am okay. You are okay" :-) -
Hi everyone,
Thank you for your beautiful comments. You are all so inspiring!
Amy
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Hi Amy, thanks for sharing. This strikes an incredible number of chords with me. I have had anxiety since I was about 12 (I'm now 25), it has fluctuated and changed and affected me in different ways over that time but it has always affected the decisions I make and things I do in everyday life. Catching the train you mentioned, that was a big one for me... I had a bad experience one time on a train journey (massive panic attack) and that meant every train journey for months after that was really difficult. That incident was about 2 years ago but even now when I catch I train I think back to it. Social events are very similar; events that you feel you should be looking forward to you actually end up dreading! It's like you're walking on thin ice with a bomb in your hand!
Others have already given their helpful suggestions; in addition, I found CBT helped me over time. I knew I needed professional intervention because I just couldn't cope. But I'm learning it can be managed. Cracking blog by the way, will come back to this again! :) -
Hi there - I would just like to share my experience as if just one of you benefits that would be great. I suffered for about 18 months with anxiety and panic attacks, although I didn't realise this for some time I could cope really well during the day but in an evening I would very often be sick with many other side effects too. I was adamant that I didn't want medication and after lots of tests (as I thought for many months that it was something I was eating) I read an article on hypnotherapy being the number one effective treatment for curing anxiety. I had kind of worked it out for myself through some counselling I had sought - purely because no one else seemed interested in helping me further when they couldn't find anything medically wrong with me.
I have had about 10 sessions and now feel totally cured! I am able to go out socially again in an evening and I have been sick only once in the last 8 months - because I had made lots of wrong connections as to what was wrong with me we had to address these and unravel them first. When I leave a session I have no idea what we have talked about - its quite funny as my family will ask how it went - and it just feels like I have been to sleep for an hour! But I am able to do all of the things that I couldn't previously without any anxiety whatsoever! I find it quite weird. The only downside is I have had to pay for it myself. But I don't care - I have my life back!
My anxiety had built up since having a child 6 years ago.. I run a successful business during the day but over time I stopped doing all of the usual social activities I would normally do which then led me to be fearful of doing them and would cause me to have panic attacks at the mere thought of them.
I hope this helps at least one of you.
Good luck xx -
I very much relate to this - it took me years to realise that what I was experiencing wasn't what everyone else was experiencing. I have had a life time of being anxious about business meetings next day, travel, meeting people, sporting events. Now I am a bit more informed. I should have spoken out earlier in my life although I am not sure who would have heard me.
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I'm overwhelmed by the kind words. Thank you so much for reading my blog, guys. <3
Amy
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Yeah, what a great blog post, really helps to articulate what it's like. I totally relate to how difficult it can be with relationships, meeting people, doing things that I think I *should* be looking forward to, but actually can be quite scary. It's so hard to explain to people! So it's great when people write about it :-)
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Anxiety;
Just received a letter from my local council informing me from April I will be libel for 20% of my council tax. Before It was all paid as I'm registered as disabled. I am now expected to find an extra £185 this year out of my state benefits. But the law states that the benefits I get are the legal minimum I need to meet daily living costs and were never intended to be used to pay things like council tax or rent. Being in receipt of the lowest form of fixed income puts me in the poorest group in society and not being able to work I have no way of making up any shortfall like 20% council tax. I'm just thankful I don't have a spare bedroom they can tax. When is any of our noble charities going to take legal action on the disgusting attacks on the sick and disabled? No wonder theres so much anxiety and depression about. -
I am dealing with huge anxiety problems on top of my depression. Reading about other people's experiences helps me to realise that I am not going mad. I tried to confide in work colleagues today but came across as someone who worries about everything and nothing. Oh dear! Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions x
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Amy. I too am afraid to leave the house alone a lot. I can't deal with big crowds anymore, I have huge fear that every little pain I'm dying, I have to be close to home. I worked for 23 years of my life but due to circumstances at my last job and life trauma, I had a breakdown and have PTSD, bipolar, anxiety and depression. It's very hard to make plans or go anywhere socially. I just want to stay home in fear of many things. It's too much a d I don't understand it. I'm on medication and doctor is trying to regulate my anxiety meds. It's hard. Prayers going out to everyone. My biggest tip for anyone experiencing anxiety/depression is to seek help! Don't go this alone!!
Christin
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Its a great post Its really helpful for the anxiety patients who are suffering lots of problems and affects their relationships and create misunderstandings. But thanks for putting up this blog that encourage the patients how to avoid anxiety. I have a suggestion for the anxiety patients to take first aid classes and help others for their mind satisfaction.
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thank you for sharing it helps me to know its not just me!!
I am doing battle with my demons and have been for 30 plus years, starting with depression and now anxiety for good measure.
I am trying to accept that managing the anxiety rather than wishing for a cure is how it's going to be, I am having a go of the living life to the full on line course (which is worth having a look at) and setting small targets for each day starting with something as small as saying hello to a neighbour to build up positive experiences, i also write down the things that i have managed to do which makes me feel better.
Hope that helps good luck xx -
It is so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one to feel this way. I used to beat myself up over this, telling myself that I was weird and selfish for stressing about stuff others cope with easily.
I was a sensitive child, so I took any criticism to heart. This is probably where the root of my depression is also.
Now, I am learning to take life one day at a time, and not to dwell on what others may say or do. Also, I try not to spend ages worrying about what might go wrong, just take sensible precautions then deal with things as they occur. As you may guess, this is way easier to say than to do! However, I am getting more good days than bad,and I am learning not to over-react as much when I "fall off the wagon" so to speak.
Thank you for sharing your experience - when we are open about how we feel, it helps others to realise the are not "odd" for how they feel. -
Experiencing anxiety isn't always the problem, it is how others respond - either treating it as a joke or assuming you're a bad person.
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Hi Amy,
was great reading that other people feel like this too! I was similar, it wasn't until after school this anxiety kicked in. The simplest tasks like walking to the shops can have me shaking, sweating and so I just don't go. I've seen me drive to work, home again and sit in all the time. It's insane because only a few years ago I traveled to the other side of the world solo at 18! Hopefully this gets better, I've managed to kick the depression (or the worst of it) and have been off the anti depressants for a year. At 24 my life should be starting not stopping. Any advice?
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Dear Amy,
Just wanted to say a big thank you to you for writing this blog. Much the same as you I found school a hard experience. Bullied and ignored it was only at home with my wonderful parents that I felt safe and happy. Having completed my gcse's my mind said it had had enough. Everytime I went to school afterwards to try and progress my life in the 6th form I was sick, and would shake. Needless to say I didn't stay much longer.
However my anixety centers round food, travel, change and health issues. Starting to feel full could mean I'm going to be sick, so food is a constant battle. I've always been squemish but now anything to do with medical matters sends me into a tailspin. Only this month I had a full blown panic attact at the opticians, made a run for it from his examination room and eventually passed out on his waiting room seat. I came too as they were calling the ambluance. The dentist is as bad.
Tablets from the doctor have helped and I now function, though in a limited capacity. I don't travel far, live with my Dad and have built a little online business as finding employment with someone is difficult.
My Dad's had a bit of a health scare recently and that's brought my aniexty to the fore again. Without him I'd be lost and I love him dearly. But the thought of him one day not being there fills me with dread. I'm crying now as I write this, as I have been on and off for the last week. The daft thing is he's ok now, but when he wasn't so good I was fine. Like my time at school it seems to have waited till things were clear before creeping up on me again.
I just wanted you to know that your blog, and the wonderful reply posts from the other commenters have helped to get me through a difficult part of the night.
Thank you!
Tim
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